Your welcome message
Union by Robert Fulghum
You have known each other from the first glance of acquaintance to this point of commitment. At some point, you decided to marry. From that moment of yes, to this moment of yes, indeed, you have been making commitments in an informal way. All of those conversations that were held in a car, or over a meal, or during long walks – all those conversations that began with, “When we’re married”, and continued with “I will” and “you will” and “we will” – all those late night talks that included “someday” and “somehow” and “maybe” – and all those promises that are unspoken matters of the heart. All these common things, and more, are the real process of a wedding.
The symbolic vows that you are about to make are a way of saying to one another, “You know all those things that we’ve promised, and hoped, and dreamed – well, I meant it all, every word.”
Look at one another and remember this moment in time. Before this moment you have been many things to one another – acquaintance, friend, companion, lover, dancing partner, even teacher, for you have learned much from one another these past few years. Shortly you shall say a few words that will take you across a threshold of life, and things between you will never quite be the same.
For after today you shall say to the world –
This is my husband. This is my wife.
Now, a reading by J’s brother, J
Treat yourselves and each other with respect, and remind yourselves often of what brought you together. Give the highest priority to the tenderness, gentleness and kindness that your connection deserves. When frustration, difficult and fear assail your relationship – as they threaten all relationships at one time or another – remember to focus on what is right between you, not only the part which seems wrong. In this way, you can ride out the storms when clouds hide the face of the sun in your lives – remembering that even if you lose sight of it for a moment, the sun is still there. And if each of you takes responsibility for the quality of your life together, it will be marked by abundance and delight.
C and J have prepared some words to share with each other
J’s stuff
C: LOVE By Roy Croft
I love you,
Not only for what you are,
But for what I am
When I am with you.
I love you,
Not only for what
You have made of yourself,
But for what
You are making of me.
I love you
For the part of me
That you bring out;
I love you
For putting your hand
Into my heaped-up heart
And passing over
All the foolish, weak things
That you can’t help
Dimly seeing there,
And for drawing out
Into the light
All the beautiful belongings
That no one else had looked
Quite far enough to find.
I love you because you
Are helping me to make
Of the lumber of my life
Not a tavern
But a temple;
Out of the works
Of my every day
Not a reproach
But a song.
I love you
Because you have done
More than any creed
Could have done
To make me good,
And more than any fate
To make me happy.
You have done it
Without a touch,
Without a word,
Without a sign.
You have done it
By being yourself.
Now, Josh’s brother Joel is going read from the letters of Rainer Maria Rilke
Marriage is in many ways a simplification of life, and it naturally combines the strengths and wills of two people so that, together, they seem to reach farther into the future than they did before. Above all, marriage is a new task and a new seriousness, – a new demand on the strength and generosity of each partner, and a great new danger for both.
The point of marriage is not to create a quick commonality by tearing down all boundaries; on the contrary, a good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of their solitude, and thus they show each other the greatest possible trust. A merging of two people is an impossibility, and where it seems to exist, it is a hemming-in, a mutual consent that robs one party or both parties of their fullest freedom and development. But once the realization is accepted that even between the closest people infinite distances exist, a marvelous living side by side can grow up for them, if they succeed in loving the expanse between them, which gives them the possibility of always seeing each other as a whole and before an immense sky.
That is why this too must be the criterion for rejection or choice: whether you are willing to stand guard over someone else’s solitude, and whether you are able to set this same person at the gate of your own depths, which he learns of only through what steps forth, in holiday clothing, out of the great darkness.
Life is self-transformation, and human relationships, which are an extract of life, are the most changeable of all, they rise and fall from minute to minute, and lovers are those for whom no moment is like any another. People between whom nothing habitual ever takes place, nothing that has already existed, but just what is new, unexpected, unprecedented. There are such connections, which must be a very great, an almost unbearable happiness, but they can occur only between very rich beings, between those who have become, each for his own sake, rich, calm, and concentrated; only if two worlds are wide and deep and individual can they be combined.
Please join hands
These are the hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, for a lifetime of happiness.
These are the hands that will countless times wipe the tears from your eyes: tears of sorrow and tears of joy.
These are the hands that will comfort you in illness, and hold you when fear or grief racks your mind.
These are the hands that will hold you tight as you struggle through difficult times.
These are the hands that will give you support and encourage you to chase your dreams. Together, everything you wish for can be realized.
(feel free to not say our names every single time if you don’t want to)
J , Will you cause her pain? I May
Is that your intent? No
C , Will you cause him pain? I may
Is that your intent? No
*To Both*
Will you share each other’s pain and seek to ease it? Yes
C , Will you share his laughter? Yes
J Will you share her laughter? Yes
*To Both*
Will both of you look for the brightness in life and the positive in each other? Yes
C , Will you burden him? I may
Is that your intent? No
J Will you burden her? I may
Is that your intent? No
*To Both*
Will you share the burdens of each so that your spirits may grow in this union? Yes
C , will you share his dreams? Yes
J will you share her dreams? Yes
*To Both*
Will you dream together to create new realities and hopes? Yes
J will you cause her anger? I may
Is that your intent? No
C , will you cause him anger? I may
Is that your intent? No
*To Both*
Will you take the heat of anger and use it to temper the strength of this union? We Will
C , Will you honor him? I will
J Will you honor her? I will
*To Both*
Will you seek to never give cause to break that honor? We will never do so
The rings?
J says and places the ring: I give you this ring as a symbol of my love, my faith in our strength together, and my promise to learn and grow with you
C says and places the ring: I give you this ring as a symbol of my love, my faith in our strength together, and my promise to learn and grow with you
Now you have lit a fire and that fire should not go out.
The two of you now have a fire that represents love, understanding and a philosophy of life.
It will give you heat, food, warmth and happiness.
The new fire represents a new beginning – a new life and a new family.
The fire should keep burning; you should stay together.
You have lit the fire for life, until old age separates you.
(I think the music will start now because it takes a while to even be heard – sloooow buildup)
Kiss the bride (however you want to say it – well…. you know)
YAY!!