Domestipithecus

but nothing can compare to the utter agony and ridiculousness that is Bikram Yoga.

My future sister-in-law(Jessica) and I went to a Gentle Yoga (Hatha style) class last week. I enjoyed it. She is very into yoga and will be going to school to teach it as soon as she has the required amount of class time under her belt. She has been taking yoga for quite a few years now, but not as often and as contiguously (I think that’s the word I am looking for) as now.

I ached the next day, but in a good way. I decided I wanted to continue going so we will be going every Wednesday together. I will most likely pick up a Friday day class as well.

Anyway, on the way home last wednesday we were joking about the “sweaty” yoga. She said she felt bad making fun of it because she has never done it. I told her if she found a class, I would go with her. In case you don’t know, Bikram yoga is done in a room that could reach temperatures up to 105 degrees. Yes. You read that correctly. One. Hundred. And. Five. Degrees. And the poses. Oh the poses.

This class doesn’t have a beginner or anything. It’s all skill levels. This makes it difficult for beginners as the instructor didn’t bother to tell you how to ease into the poses until there was a look of pain on your face. They were crazy difficult poses. Not something a beginner should be attempting in my (and Jessica’s) opinion.

I was well hydrated and ate a good meal approx 4 hours before the class. I know how to do this. The two marathons I ran were in 80+ degree heat. I know about eating well the day before, hydrating BEFORE the day of. I did all this. Still I had to lay down because I thought I would pass out. The instructor says to me, “Candace, you should sit on your knees and look to the mirror so you can keep track of what is going on in the class.” Oh please excuse me, I didn’t mean to almost PASS OUT and not pay attention.

The instructor singled people out. Jessica, you have long legs, make your stance wider. Karen you can do better than that come on! I had to leave the room for a while and went back in when they started the floor poses. Some of those I was familiar with so I felt like it would be better. I made it to the end of the class, but as I was leaving, the instructor told me that I should come back and next time stay near the door where it’s cooler and that way I won’t panic next time. He said this in front of the entire room of people. I didn’t panic, I almost passed out you asshole.

Needless to say, neither of us will be going back. Jessica said that the class could have been fine if we had a better instructor. She said the style was counter to everything she had learned about yoga in the years she had been taking it. They want you to lock your knees when standing and that restricts blood flow. They have you bouncing around from a pose to flipping around to lay down then jumping back up and going back into the pose instead of “breathing into the pose” as Jessica says she’s learned.

Whatever. I know there are success stories about people losing weight and feeling great… All I know is they could promise me that in ten classes they would give me a thousand dollars and I would have a perfect body, I would say, “Bite me” and deal with my blooby tummy.

That said, I am looking forward to gentle yoga tonight. | |

but nothing can compare to the utter agony and ridiculousness that is Bikram Yoga.

My future sister-in-law(Jessica) and I went to a Gentle Yoga (Hatha style) class last week. I enjoyed it. She is very into yoga and will be going to school to teach it as soon as she has the required amount of class time under her belt. She has been taking yoga for quite a few years now, but not as often and as contiguously (I think that’s the word I am looking for) as now.

I ached the next day, but in a good way. I decided I wanted to continue going so we will be going every Wednesday together. I will most likely pick up a Friday day class as well.

Anyway, on the way home last wednesday we were joking about the “sweaty” yoga. She said she felt bad making fun of it because she has never done it. I told her if she found a class, I would go with her. In case you don’t know, Bikram yoga is done in a room that could reach temperatures up to 105 degrees. Yes. You read that correctly. One. Hundred. And. Five. Degrees. And the poses. Oh the poses.

This class doesn’t have a beginner or anything. It’s all skill levels. This makes it difficult for beginners as the instructor didn’t bother to tell you how to ease into the poses until there was a look of pain on your face. They were crazy difficult poses. Not something a beginner should be attempting in my (and Jessica’s) opinion.

I was well hydrated and ate a good meal approx 4 hours before the class. I know how to do this. The two marathons I ran were in 80+ degree heat. I know about eating well the day before, hydrating BEFORE the day of. I did all this. Still I had to lay down because I thought I would pass out. The instructor says to me, “Candace, you should sit on your knees and look to the mirror so you can keep track of what is going on in the class.” Oh please excuse me, I didn’t mean to almost PASS OUT and not pay attention.

The instructor singled people out. Jessica, you have long legs, make your stance wider. Karen you can do better than that come on! I had to leave the room for a while and went back in when they started the floor poses. Some of those I was familiar with so I felt like it would be better. I made it to the end of the class, but as I was leaving, the instructor told me that I should come back and next time stay near the door where it’s cooler and that way I won’t panic next time. He said this in front of the entire room of people. I didn’t panic, I almost passed out you asshole.

Needless to say, neither of us will be going back. Jessica said that the class could have been fine if we had a better instructor. She said the style was counter to everything she had learned about yoga in the years she had been taking it. They want you to lock your knees when standing and that restricts blood flow. They have you bouncing around from a pose to flipping around to lay down then jumping back up and going back into the pose instead of “breathing into the pose” as Jessica says she’s learned.

Whatever. I know there are success stories about people losing weight and feeling great… All I know is they could promise me that in ten classes they would give me a thousand dollars and I would have a perfect body, I would say, “Bite me” and deal with my blooby tummy.

That said, I am looking forward to gentle yoga tonight.